I thought I had Super Powers

The first step in AA is admitting you are powerless over alcohol.  That it controls you, not the other way around.  I understood that early on.  I knew I was out of control when it came to alcohol.  I admitted that.  Step 1 – Done!

Prior to sobriety, I thought I controlled everything about my drinking.  When I drank, what I drank, how I drank and where I drank.   It was the other way around.  Alcohol was controlling where I went, how long I stayed there, who I went with and every other aspect of my life.  So, I did Step 1, admitted I was powerless over alcohol and moved on.  “I’ll just control everything else in my life and all will be perfect in the world.”  I mean, after all, the world revolves around ME and I’m in control, right? (insert chuckle)

Today I heard something that was so loud – and profound. Not volume loud. The kind of loud that makes you shake your head.  An a-ha moment.  Today I learned that I am powerless.  Not just over alcohol, but powerless over everything. Wait. What?  I’m not Wonder Woman – or any other super hero?  Unbeknownst to me, it’s true.  I am powerless over the decisions my kids make, powerless over what people think of me, powerless over decisions my co-workers make, powerless over unfortunate events, powerless over all of it.  In my mind, if I could just control what I eat, how I dress, how I treat people, where my kids go, who they hang out with – and pretty much everything else – that the world would be perfect.  Here’s the thing:  I can’t control the outcomes to any of it.   Sure, I can control that I get to work on time and create healthy meals, but even that’s not totally true.  Traffic and grocery store availability are out of my control also.  Dang!  Is there anything I can control? Probably not.

Image result for super hero girls

Here’s the great news:  I don’t have to control anything because God’s already in control.  Of everything.  What a load off my shoulders!  Who knew that being powerless could feel so powerful.  Being in control is what I thrive on.  It’s also exhausting.  So today, I’m resting on the fact that I don’t need to be in control.  God already is.


*Shout out to those who have followed, liked or commented on my posts.  I am so grateful to have this community of support.  We are all so different, yet so alike.  Hugs!

11 thoughts on “I thought I had Super Powers

  1. I know I am not a super hero, but letting go is sooooo hard! 😢 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The struggle is real! Baby steps, right?! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Baby steps and intentional living 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Brilliantly written and you are completely right. I can relate to the alcohol part – I hadn’t really thought about alcohol controlling me – but it was of course (not for the last 87 days though 😀) I’m going to follow you and look forward to reading more of your posts 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Way to go on 87 days! My longest sober stint was about that amount of time. For whatever reason, I can’t seem to get that close lately. I need to take out my toolbox and put it to use again. I know how to stay sober, I just have to make the decision to do so.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes!
    And if not god, fate, the universe, not me.

    I spent so many years trying to control all the things. It was just so tiring.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is very tiring. You think I’d learn a little faster! LOL


      1. I still try some days. Sigh

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I replied before but somehow I don’t think it worked.
    Thank you for blogging! I find your blog inspiring and written with humour and lightness amidst the depth.
    Super powers are fun! I definitely think I am in control – especially when rationalizing:)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thanks, Eliza. I love the honesty and transparency of your blogs, as well. Keep writing! 🙂


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