As someone with an addictive personality, I feel like I always have something going – one unnecessary habit or another. It’s frustrating. Why do I always need a “fix”?
I’ve always had this type of personality. Whether it was food/dieting, exercise, shopping or alcohol, I’ve always had trouble with moderation. Go big or go home. Why? That’s where my mind is this week.
I’ve been trying this sober thing for a year. The holidays have been a success so far. However, it’s not without a price tag.
At every AA meeting I go to, people are smoking. I would say a good 80 percent. Maybe that’s what helps them stay sober. So, a few nights ago when I had an urge to drink I thought “What the heck, I’ll try a cigarette instead”. And so it goes…
I started with a cigarette before heading home after work – which is my witching hour, when I would typically stop for alcohol. Well, it worked. No stop for alcohol. Relapse diverted. But now I’ve just substituted one bad habit for another. (Insert eye roll.) Ugh!! It started with one or two cigarettes a day. During the work week I have fewer opportunities to smoke. Before and after work. I’m off work for a couple of weeks so I have lots of free time. It’s all I can think about! Here’s the thing: it’s just another thing. Another distraction. Another fix. This post is not a judgement on anyone who smokes. You do you. For me, smoking is not only physically unhealthy, it’s also very mentally unhealthy.
So, where do I go from here? Obviously I need to kick the smoking habit. It’s been three weeks and has been a decent distraction, but I’m over it. It’s exhausting just hiding it, and not worth the effort – or outcome. So now what? I guess I’ll have to find a new, healthier distraction. One that’s good for my body and my mind.
Thoughts or ideas are welcomed and appreciated! 🙂