Why I love, I mean hate, weekends…

“TGIF!” I must have heard this at least 15 times yesterday at work.  Most people LOVE weekends.  I mean, who doesn’t?  All that time to relax and enjoy life.  Time to be lazy or be spontaneous, dine out or order in, go to a movie or watch Netflix.  So many options, so little time. Me, not so much.

The thought of relaxing gives me anxiety.  I’m just not good at it.  As I was thinking about this weekend, I realized maybe I need to learn to relax.  Like, with lessons and practice.  I  would never go join a golf team because I don’t know how to golf.  I’d be miserable!    Nor would I join basketball or tennis or volleyball.  I’m sure eventually one of them would be fun after I get acclimated and learn the sport.  That’s me with weekends.  I hate the “sport” of it because I suck at it!  I’m either all “go go go” or wasting the day away wandering aimlessly between the 100 tasks I’ve assigned myself.  I put everything on a list and my weekend is controlled by that list.  To be honest, many of the things on my list are to avoid things I really need to do!  Then, when I’m overwhelmed by my lists and feeling guilty for neglecting my family, the frustration leads me to drink.  (Well, that’s my excuse anyway.) By the time Sunday evening rolls around, I haven’t accomplished squat and I somehow missed the 48 hours I could have spent with my family.  It’s exhausting, when it should be relaxing.  And PS: I can’t stand looking on social media on Mondays to see all of the wonderful memories and great things people do on the weekends.

So.  Where do I go from here?  I have to shit or get off the pot, right?  Do I make a list to go with my list?  A schedule to schedule rest or relaxation?  Plan my spontaneity?  I haven’t relaxed yet and I’m tired already!  Rather than set myself up for failure, I’ll go easy on myself.  For today, I’ll get a few of the things on my list accomplished – the things that need to get done, go to yoga,  and set aside 3 hours with my family.  Tomorrow, I’ll set aside 2 separate hours to relax, take a walk, read, or blog.  I’ll also set aside 3 hours for family time once we all reconnect in the afternoon.  No bullshit fill-ins.  Baby steps.

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